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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412305">No Music Ever Drowns It Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoriesToldToYou/pseuds/StoriesToldToYou'>StoriesToldToYou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bastille (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fights, Guess it's a multiple parter now, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Supposed to be a oneshot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:36:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,883</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoriesToldToYou/pseuds/StoriesToldToYou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyle had grown restless the last couple weeks, he had an extremely short fuse and he often lashed out at the slightest provocation even if just in jest, he didn't understand where it came from because it had been an issue for months, but he knew what.. or who didn't help his growing anger. </p><p>Dan had been shut off the recent weeks, he never really took time for himself or anyone else, which made Kyle even more frustrated. He knew Dan's anxieties had been acting up recently, but he never realized how bad they had gotten.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kyle Simmons/Dan Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, this is my first fic publicly posted on this site. And it's a uhhhhhh, heavy one to start with.</p><p>I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it to the best of their abilities with a fic concerning this subject matter. </p><p>If you have any improvements or feedback please leave a comment below!</p><p>Edit: Well, I wasn't intending on making this a multiple parter, but I had a lot of ideas on how I could continue this, so I just started writing and made another part (with a third one still in the making)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One day while it had been just the two of them Kyle snapped. He tried to get Dan's attention, they had a couple days off in LA and he wanted to do something but everything he tried got shut down. Dan stood in front of the window, staring at the various people he could see on the pavement below him, Kyle was tired, he felt sick, the fight between them having gone on longer than any fight they have had before. </p><p>Kyle leaned against a doorway, his tone showing no emotion "go on, go back to writing your fucking songs, the only thing you're good for nowadays" he spoke apathetically, yet still through gritted teeth, "FUCK YOU" Dan yelled, his back still facing Kyle. </p><p>"you know what, screw this shit, I'm out, I can't do this.." he said bitterly, seeing Dan still not attempt to acknowledge him, "you SEE, same old FUCKING story again, you don't even give me a single glance, I don't need to deal with your bullshit just to get my rocks off" Kyle spat angrily, he clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palm, something he had been doing a lot recently. Dan could feel the tears prickling in his eyes, he tried to blink them away, but to no avail, he bit his lip and let his tears quietly run across his cheek, he was too stubborn to turn around. He heard Kyle groan frustratedly, "why did I ever think this, us, could work" Kyle mumbled right before turning around and slamming the door behind him as he walked out. </p><p>Dan faintly registered the footsteps storming away from him and a door slam, his mind replaying the last thing Kyle said before walking out. He staggered backwards clutching his own body and let himself drop on their hotel bed. He sat on the bed for what had felt like an eternity, his eyes ending up puffy and bloodshot, hoping Kyle would burst through the door again, making all this pain go away. But he didn't come. </p><p>Eventually Dan got up and walked to the bathroom. He didn't dare look at his own reflection, he didn't want to face how pitiful he probably looked, he kept hearing Kyle's final words to him run through his head, <strong><em>why did I ever think this could work</em></strong>, he ran his hands over his head, letting them rest at the back of his neck as he stared at his feet. He crouched down next to the bathtub and let the water fill the receptacle, he sank to the floor, head on his knees as he waited. </p><p>Kyle started walking through the halls of the hotel, trying to make his way down and away from the fight, away from Dan, deep down he knew he shouldn't have done it, shouldn't have picked a fight, they were both in a bad state of mind and in hindsight he shouldn't have left Dan, but his mind was screaming for air, screaming for him to run and not look back. So he did, he ran, he had always been bad at confrontation and this was no different. He reached the lifts, but no part of him wanted to wait, he was too filled with rage and adrenaline, he needed to move, he ran down the stairs as fast as he could, running out the lobby letting his legs decide where to go.</p><p>His feet took him to unfamiliar places, without realising, he had ran across seemingly half of LA and up a hill. Good thing he had his running shoes on and was still in his joggers and a shirt. He reached the top of the hill and finally broke down, he was alone, fully alone, looking over the city below him, the sun had nearly set by now, the last rays of sunshine cascading across the ground, his face still barely painted with the faint afternoon sun. He dropped to his knees, closing his eyes and screamed as loud as he could as he felt the tears fill the corners of his eyes. He sat on the ground, staring straight ahead, trying not to break down on top of a random hill in LA. </p><p>After 15 minutes of staring off into nothingness Kyle scrambled to his feet, he felt numb and cold. He wrapped his arms around himself and started making his way downhill. His mind was screaming, feeding him conflicting thoughts, some telling him to get shit faced, telling him to find a bar, forget about the fight and about Dan for the night, but pretty quickly they evolved into paranoia, telling him to go back, telling him about the horrible gut feeling, something was wrong, something felt wrong, he needed to go back, go back to Dan, something was off, he couldn't understand what, but his body was shouting at him, dan, Dan, DAN. </p><p>He started running again, his body switched to autopilot, he didn't even have to think about where he needed to go, everything in him leading him exactly to where he needed to be. He checked his watch and realized he had nearly spend 4 hours wandering, shit, time moved fast, thankfully they hadn't had a show tomorrow, he and Dan had a lot to talk about and starting a show with this going on between them wasn't something he wanted to think about. </p><p>Before he reached the hotel they had been staying in his legs nearly gave out, his limbs being too tired to carry him much further, but he needed to hold out those last few meters, a final push of adrenaline giving him a boost. He stumbled those few steps up to the entrance and forced himself to walk up to the lift, he couldn't possibly go up those flights right now, he hastily pressed the button, he knew full well that repeatedly pressing that damn button wouldn't make it come any quicker, but he needed to be doing something to keep himself busy. </p><p>He rushed through the hallways and finally reached their door, he struggled with the key card that never seemed to work when you desperately needed it to, he started banging on the door, but got no response, he feverishly fiddled with the key card against the pad after the room remained quiet, preparing for the worst. Finally having gotten it to work he dashed through the door, trying to find Dan, he saw the light shine through from under the bathroom door and approached the door slowly, "babe, I'm sorr-" but before he could finish his sentence he froze in place as he stood in the doorway. </p><p>"SHIT, NO, DAN, NO" he sank to the ground and scrambled towards the tub, "Dan, baby, no please, fuck.. shit, BABE" he couldn't make out any coherent sentences as he cradled Dan's arm with the still fresh self inflicted wounds. He could see Dan's chest rise and fall slightly, showing only the slightest sign of life. Dan was unconscious, red cuts on his arm, the blade still clutched in his loosened fist, the water was stained red, his face was stark white and his lips had turned a slight bluish hue. 

Kyle couldn't speak, couldn't think, he was in complete shock, he frantically searched his pockets trying to find his phone, "this isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happe-" Kyle repeated desperately while he frantically searched his pockets trying to find his phone, he needed to help Dan, his fingers trembled as he dialed 911, he heard the dial tone followed by a strangers voice, "I need help, my boyfriend, he, he tried to.." but he couldn't continue, his throat closed up and he felt sick to his stomach, but the responder thankfully understood what he meant, Kyle somehow managed to give the responder his location and the call got ended. </p><p>He could faintly hear a familiar voice in the background, but it didn't matter, it didn't fully register. "hey guys, everything okay? Your door is still unl-" Woody spoke but his words trailed off as he saw the pair in the bathroom, his eyes widened and kept quickly moving between both Dan's arm and Kyle, Kyle was rocking back and forth cradling Dan who still lay half submerged in the bath,  he slowly turned his head towards the other man, "I don't know Woody, I don't know, I just, don't know" Kyle said and kept repeating those 3 words, I don't know. Woody crouched down next to him, "did you call.." Woody began before getting cut off by Kyle nodding his head solemnly. </p><p>"I'm scared Woody" Kyle whispered, his voice pained and broken, a complete opposite of what he normally sounded like, Kyle seemed like a different man, "christ" Woody mumbled under his breath reaching an arm around Kyle. They heard the sirens fast approaching, the blaring lights visible through the window as Woody walked over hoping this was the one meant for Dan. He saw the ambulance stop at the entrance of the hotel, having had a perfect view from Dan and Kyle's window, the emt exited the vehicle and dashed towards the entrance. </p><p>Minutes later Woody hurriedly opened the door as he heard the knocks, the emt in front of him, asking if this was the right room, Woody nodded and the men rushed passed Woody, he led them towards the bathroom where Kyle still sat motionless, clutching Dan. </p><p>One of them gently approached him and squated next to him "sir, could you please get your.. boyfriend?" he questioned before quickly continuing after no protest, "could you get him some clothing?" Kyle nodded absentmindedly and got to his feet, no idea how he had been able to tear himself away from Dan but he stumbled towards Dan's suitcase, grabbing some joggers and a jumper while the emt started draining the bath. </p><p>Somehow Kyle had managed to get Dan dressed in his own distressed state, the emts had loaded Dan on the gurney, "we'll take good care of him guys" one of the men spoke before rushing off. </p><p>Kyle stood in the doorway, watching as the emts walked off with Dan, his arms slumped next to his body, his nails digging into his palms again, the spots had already gotten sore but he couldn't feel anything right now, "I'll call us an Uber and inform the others Kyle, don't worry" Woody spoke as he rested his hand on Kyle's shoulder, but Kyle didn't hear him, didn't move, didn't react. </p><p>Woody supported Kyle on their way down to the Uber, afraid he could collapse at any given moment. Kyle stared off into space, he was fully in shock, nothing registered, his blinked his eyes feverishly, trying to not show any emotion, trying not to break down, he rather felt numb than letting the fear and guilt consume him. </p><p>Woody guided Kyle to the backseat of the Uber, Kyle didn't say a word, he stared down at his feet and remained eerily quiet. Woody grabbed his phone and dialed Dick, he sighed, as his finger hovered over the call button, he hated this, he hated having to do this, he hated that this had happened in the first place, he pressed the button and let the phone ring, "Dick, you guys need to come to the Cedars Senai Hospital now, its Dan, I'm with Kyle, we're on our way" </p><p>"what's going on Wood?" Dick asked nervously, "what happened, what did he do?" Dick ran a hand across his face, he didn't know what was going on, "we'll discuss it when you get there, we're in an Uber, not gonna discuss that now" Woody spoke sadly, he paused for a second, exhaling, "can you please inform the others", Dick reassured him he'd handle it and hung up the phone. </p><p>"bloody hell" Woody mumbled as he turned his head towards Kyle, who had his head in his hands, his shoulders shook slightly, "we're almost there Kyle, it's going to be okay" Woody whispered and reached out his hand before retracting it again. </p><p>The rest of the car ride was spend in silence as Kyle stared out the window with bloodshot eyes. He had no one else to blame but himself, this was his fault. </p><p>The car slowed down and stopped in front of the hospital, woody got out ready to support Kyle until he realized Kyle had already gotten out and was standing dangerously close to the road without realising, Woody ran over to Kyle and pulled him back, he wanted to slap Kyle, tell him to focus, but now wasn't the time to get angry. </p><p>Kyle apologised half heartedly and made his way over to the entrance like a damn zombie, Woody furrowed his brow and exhaled as he followed his friend, he couldn't bare seeing him like this, but he needed to stay close, keep an eye out for his mate. </p><p>Dick, Will and Charlie weren't far away, Woody opted for the both of them to stay in the entrance and wait for the others to head over to Dan's room together, Dick had informed Woody he had already arranged a private room for Dan on his way over to the hospital. Kyle looked unsteady and understandably out of it, woody looked around him and saw a couple of chairs nearby and grabbed Kyle's shoulders gently dragging him towards them seeing Kyle collapse onto it when he got snapped out of his daze for a single second. </p><p>Kyle let his elbows rest on his knees, his legs trembled. His head dropped on his hands he had propped up on his knees. Woody sat next to his friend and bit his lip, he kept sneaking glances at Kyle, but Kyle didn't move. Woody looked away and stared down at his shoes, getting lost in his own head. </p><p>He looked up randomly and saw the others walking towards them, he waved them over and got up from the chair, he looked behind him and saw Kyle looking up, his eyes were dark and swollen as he rubbed them with the back of his hand, he sighed heavily. </p><p>Dick hurried over to the other two, "okay, what is going on?" he immediately asked, "Dan hurt himself, can we please go now" Kyle said out of nowhere, completely expressionless, Dick and Will looked at Kyle alarmed, but Kyle had already started walking away, Charlie ran up to the man, staying close besides Kyle, not saying a word. </p><p>Will turned to Woody and tapped him on his shoulder, looking bewildered, "did, did he actually?" Will whispered, Woody nodded gravely, neither exchanged another word as they walked towards Dan's room after Dick had asked the desk for his room number. </p><p>They reached his room as they had finally navigated the many halls inside the hospital. They walked up to the door and peeked inside, they could see Dan on the bed in the private room, both his wrists bandaged and an IV stuck in his left arm, he was still unconscious, Kyle grabbed the doorway for support when he saw Dan, it hit him again how this had actually happened and wasn't just some fucked up dream. </p><p>Everyone was lost in thought, processing the situation when they got spooked as a doctor walked up behind them "you can enter his room, instead of standing in the doorway, but maybe try not to crowd around the bed too much" she spoke calmly, "which one of you was his power of attorney? I'm assuming the gentleman to the side here" she said gesturing towards Dick who nodded affirmatively. </p><p>"well, let me start off with saying that we want to keep him here for at least 3 days" she began, but immediately got interrupted by mumbled swears from Kyle, Dick paced the room "I'm gonna have to call management" he said under his breath, "is everything okay?" the doctor questioned, "we uh, were in a band, touring right now" Woody answered her question, she regarded the boys, a hint of familiarity on her eyes "aren't you that band from that Quarter Past Midnight song, I think I recognise the patient now" she asked, "yeah, we are" Kyle answered her, just as stoic as when he spoke last, "this is all.. patient confidentiality, right?" Dick asked before turning around towards the window, the doctor nodded. </p><p>"anyways, we want to keep him here, because not only did he harm himself outwardly, we also had to completely drain his stomach contents as we found a mixture of alcohol and medication in his system, the dose of the medication we found in his system nearly enough for him to overdose, mixed with the alcohol levels in his system, this should've killed him, it was a miracle that whoever found him when they did" she spoke matter of factly, the room remained stunned and silent, Kyle looking down in disbelief, "we want to keep him here for observation, both for him to recover and because we fear he might be a serious danger to himself as he used multiple means" she continued before pausing and letting the news settle. </p><p>Kyle ran out of the room, everything just getting to be too much for him, Dan in the hospital, Dan nearly having died, him being the one to find Dan. Him, in his mind, being the sole reason Dan was even here. He crashed against a wall and trying to remain upright as he clenched his fists again, digging his nails into his own palms again, his palms had began to really hurt and the skin had started to tear slightly. </p><p>Woody hurried out the room trying to follow Kyle, worried about Kyle and his mental state, he glanced to the side and saw his friend slumped against a wall and walked over. He looked Kyle up and down and saw Kyle's pained expression paired with the clenched fists, "Kyle, what are you doing.. let me see your hands" Woody worriedly whispered as he grabbed one of Kyle's hands prying it open gently, he saw the deep red marks and torn skin on his palms and shook his head, looking up at Kyle, "I don't need you hurting yourself too, please" Woody spoke desperately, "I'll get you a nurse to look after your hands, please, stay.. here.." Woody said when pushing Kyle towards the nearest bench and sitting him down. </p><p>Woody returned to where Kyle was sitting with a nurse not too long after he had left, she kneeled down next to him, checking his palms," it doesn't look too serious yet so I'm just going to put some disinfectant on it and cover it up" she said as he turned to Woody, "sir, please try not to do it again" she continued as she looked up at Kyle before turning back to Woody, "please look after him and make sure he avoids doing it again" she whispered to Woody while getting up, leaving shortly thereafter. </p><p>Kyle looked at his palms and could feel his eyes welling up, his body shook violently as he felt the hot tears stream down his face, "this is all my fault" Kyle choked out in between sobs, "Kyle no, this isn't your fault" Woody answered as he squatted in front of Kyle, placing his hands on Kyle's knees,"but it is" Kyle whispered angrily, "I knew his anxieties and shit were acting up again, but still I picked a fight, I picked a stupid fucking fight and he's here because of me, I put him here" Kyle rambled, he jumped up, causing Woody to stumble backwards, nearly losing his balance. </p><p>"Kyle, you can't blame yourself for this, you can't blame yourself for getting angry, you couldn't have known" Woody said as he got up to face Kyle again, putting his hand on Kyle's shoulder. "but I FUCKING COULD, I could've known… I.. I should've known" Kyle said, pushing Woody away, he paused, sighing shakily, "you can't blame yourself for his actions Kyle" Woody tried to reassure Kyle, "SHUT UP" Kyle shouted as he looked at Woody wide-eyed, much louder than he intended, he exhaled deeply, trying to calm his anger, "this.. this isn't the first time he tried this, but last time I, last time I had <strong>seen</strong> him like this, I-" he continued, the sentences he tried to make out barely understandable as Kyle struggled more and more with each passing word. </p><p>Kyle forced his head to lean against the nearest wall as he tried to calmly make out the words, "I talked him off that ledge years ago before he could reach this point and since that moment he kinda trusted me with.. a lot of bad shit he dealt with", Woody stared at Kyle in slight disbelief, he couldn't quite wrap his head around all this information. </p><p>"if I hadn't fucking ran off I could've stopped him, I should've stayed, FUCK" Kyle blurted out frustratedly, "Kyle, stop, it happened, there's nothing you can do about it now, tough shit" Woody said speaking more sternly than he had intended, "you need to be here for him NOW, not dwell on what you could've or should've done in the past" </p><p>"I only went back because of a gut feeling that something was wrong, I was this close to not listening to that feeling and drowning my sorrows in booze" he muttered, he could really use something to destroy right now, "Kyle, please don't look for scenarios that didn't happen, you didn't go to bar, you listened to your gut and because you did you may have single-handedly saved his life, okay?" Woody said as he grabbed Kyle's shoulders and looked in Kyle's eyes, "now please, just get back in there, the others need you, they're worried about you, <strong>Dan needs you</strong>" he said  as he pointed towards the room, Kyle sighed as he walked back over to the room. </p><p>He reached the doorway and hesitated as he stood on the threshold, the others turned towards Kyle and gave him compassionate glances. Nobody said a word as Dick grabbed a chair and placed it next to Dan's bed for Kyle to sit on, still looking like he could fall to pieces at any given moment. Kyle sank on the chair and grabbed Dan's hand, clasping it between his own, Dick broke the silence as he cleared his throat, "I spoke with some people Kyle and we agreed to cancel the rest of the tour dates, thankfully, although that isn't the main takeaway, these dates are some of the last ones, maybe we'll reschedule, maybe we won't, but we'll figure that out later" dick stated, "the others are most likely going to be travelling home tomorrow or the day after that, but I'm assuming. you're going to stay here?" dick continued as he turned towards Kyle who nodded, "we'll arrange somewhere for you to stay" he assured Kyle and got up. </p><p>"we're heading back to the hotel Kyle" Will chimed in when he noticed Kyle looking around confused, "I know I won't be able to force you to come back with us, so I won't try, but please Kyle, please try and rest" Dick insisted worriedly, ready to walk away when he noticed Kyle's bandaged hands, "Kyle, what did you do?" Dick asked wide-eyed pointing at Kyle's hands, Kyle looked at his hands and said nothing, dick sighed, "Kyle, please be careful" Dick said concerned, "do you need anyone to stay here with you? Please be honest" he continued, Kyle shook his head as he felt a hand on his shoulder, "are you sure?" he asked again, "please Dick, I just, I want to be alone right now" Kyle mumbled nervously, dick squeezed his shoulder before turning around and collectively leaving the room with the others, giving him one last glance to change his mind before he closed the door. </p><p>Kyle squeezed Dan's hand as he sat in the deafening silence of the room, he wanted desperately to crawl up next to Dan, being as close to him as he possibly could. Kyle stood up and paced the room, he hated sitting idly by, he clenched his fists, digging his fingers in his palms again, the bandages not registering as he felt a stab of pain in his palms, he winced and looked down at his hands, the bandages having turned a slight reddish hue, he left the room looking for someone to check his hands, he moved clumsily through the halls as he finally found someone to check up on him. The personnel sat him down and checked his wounds, seeing there was nothing to really do they reapplied the bandages and send him back on his way. </p><p>Kyle walked back to Dan's room and closed the door behind him, resting against it. He closed his eyes and exhaled. He shuffled over to Dan's bed and sat on the edge, brushing his hand against the side of his face. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his legs up on the bed, slowly laying down next to Dan resting an arm around the other and could feel his eyes getting heavy, he didn't want to fall asleep yet, he wanted to stay awake and guard Dan the whole night, but he was completely drained , mentally and physically. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, Dan in his embrace<em>. </em></p><p>
  <em>In the early morning hours a nurse entered the room, checking up on her patient as she saw Kyle peacefully sleeping next to him, never having seen two people as at ease as them in a hospital bed, she smiled and approached the bed, trying her best not to disturb the pair, she knew she should've told the other off for laying on the bed, but she simply couldn't, after a very careful checkup she walked away quietly, turning one final time before closing the door behind her. </em>
</p><p>Kyle woke up when he felt Dan stir against him, having subconsciously cuddled up next to him, he opened his eyes and saw Dan waking up slowly, he could feel Dan move and turn to face him, Kyle wrapped his arm tighter around Dan, pulling him as close as he could, "Dan, baby, please, don't do this shit again, I can't live if that's without you" Kyle whispered as he pressed his forehead against Dans, "I'm so sorry Kyle, I'm such an idiot" Dan mumbled softly, his eyes welling up, "no baby, no, I'm the idiot" Kyle responded before pausing, "but please.. don't do this again, I was scared shitless" he continued as he brushed his lips past Dan's. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dan turned his face away from Kyle, not daring to look in Kyle's eyes, scared of what he might see in them, pity, worry, anger. He pushed himself away, screwing his eyes shut, the tears already building up in the corner of his eyes. He turned his back to the other pulling his knees up against his chest, wrapping his arms around them protectively. He didn't know how he felt about Kyle right now, his thoughts conflicted, he loved him, he always would, but part of him was angry, angry at Kyle and himself. </p><p>Kyle sat up and reached a hand towards the other carefully, tenderly putting it on Dan's shoulder who immediately shook his shoulder to push off Kyle's hand. Kyle retracted it quickly balling it in a fist before wincing at the marks he had when he dug his fingers in his palms again subconsciously, his legs were dangling on the side of the bed, unsure of what to do. </p><p>Eventually he slid off the bed and walked towards the window, gently placing his hand against the glass, the cold that seeped through the window sending chills down his spine. Normally the silence between the two didn't feel as heavy, as suffocatingly constricting, but right now it left Kyle struggling to breathe. He could see Dan's reflection on the glass, the other staring at him with an expression he didn't recognise, Dan quickly cast his eyes down, once again avoiding Kyle's eyes burning into him. </p><p>The time seemed to pass slowly as Kyle occasionally wandered around the room, too jittery to remain in one place for long, his thoughts were swarming at the nearly breathless silence in the room. </p><p>He got distracted from his thoughts as he saw his phone light up, he checked his phone, seeing dozens of text and voicemails from the others, hastily he dialed dick's number, "thank god, I was getting worried when you didn't answer" dick said quickly nearly immediately having picked up Kyle's call, Kyle said nothing in return as he slowly walked out of the room, turning back towards Dan who remained motionless before quietly closing the door between them. </p><p>Dick disregarded Kyle's silence, "how is he? How are YOU?" he asked concerned, Kyle took a deep breath, "he's been.. quiet, very quiet.. <em>eerily</em> quiet, he hasn't really said a word to me besides a few when he just woke up" he spoke dejected, "and uhhhh.." Kyle said as he scratched his neck, "I think I'm.. I don't know how I am, it's not important" Kyle said mumbly, he heard dick sigh on the other side, "how'd you sleep?" dick said, the worry noticeable, "I guess pretty well, all things considered" he said and ran quiet, once again Kyle found himself in a deafening silence. </p><p>"when are you guys leaving?" Kyle asked, quickly changing the subject, "tomorrow, first thing in the morning", "ah, okay" his voice barely audible, "do you.. want us to come by for a bit? So we can look after him for a couple hours?" dick suggested after a couple more seconds of silence, "so you can at least eat something and get back to tiny a bit of normalcy" he continued apprehensively, "I dunno Dick, I really don't want to leave him" Kyle answered, "even though I'm not sure where we stand right now" he muttered under his breath quickly, luckily Dick didn't hear him. </p><p>"please Kyle, let us help while we still can, you need to look after yourself too" dick said adamantly, he was worried about the two, "I know, I know, it's just, even stepping outside the room right now my head won't stop screaming at me, feeding me paranoid thoughts and.. and" he said as he felt his throat close up, unable to make out any more words, "he won't be alone, if that's what you're worried about" dick said calmly, Kyle sighed but eventually agreed to the others coming over. </p><p>Kyle entered the room again and sat down on a chair on the opposite side of the room, "the others are coming in a bit" Kyle said seeing Dan nod slightly, the silence returning again. Kyle was unsure of what to do, not used to their relationship feeling so strained. Of course, they have fought before, the regular couple stuff, they have had rough patches, but never like this. </p><p>Kyle stared out the window again and lost track of time when he suddenly heard a knock on the door, hearing it creek open as the others shuffled in, Charlie walked up to Kyle, sitting down on a chair next to him, "how is he?" he whispered in Kyle's ear, Kyle bit his lip and shrugged, Charlie stroked Kyle's back before quickly resting his hand on his own knee. </p><p>Woody and Will sat down next to Dan, feeling painfully out of place in the heavy atmosphere. Dick walked over to Kyle, putting a hand on his shoulder, "let's get you something to eat, Charlie can you go with him" he said as he turned to Charlie who nodded and led Kyle out of the room before he could protest. </p><p>Once in the cafeteria Kyle could hardly take a single bite, seeing Charlie stare him down with furrowed brows, "Kyle, whatever your thinking, it's not your fault" Charlie said in between bites, staring down at his food, "<strong>don't</strong> start.. please" he whispered as he got up from the table, "Kyle, stop.." Charlie yelled as he sprinted up to Kyle, putting his hand in Kyle's shoulder, keeping him in place, "just go away" Kyle snarled at Charlie when he quickly spun around to face the shorter man, the other looked taken aback and frightened by Kyle's sudden outburst. Kyle let his hands fall to his sides, staring blankly off into space, "I'm sorry Charlie" he mumbled, Charlie smiled weakly, pulling Kyle closer into a hug. </p><p> </p><p>Dick sighed as he paced the room, he knew he needed to tell Dan, he stopped pacing and walked towards Dan's bed, "Dan, I doubt this will come as a shock to you but we cancelled the rest of the tour, the crew and us.." he said gesturing to the others in the room, "we're leaving tomorrow morning, Kyle is staying here" dick said solemnly, Dan bit his lips and nodded, still not saying a word. He stared down at his bed, fumbling with the sheets, Will and Woody exchanged questioning looks, neither really daring to break the silence. </p><p>The silence lasted for longer than anyone was comfortable with, even Dan getting uneasy, "what happened to Kyle's hands?" Dan asked suddenly, breaking the silence turning his head towards Dick who shook his head not knowing, Woody cleared his throat, "he uh, hurt his palms digging his nails in them, he's really worried about you Dan" Woody said, looking at Dan hoping his eyes would reach the other. Dan eventually looked at Woody, staring at the other guiltily. </p><p>Some time later Kyle and Charlie entered the room again, Kyle handing the others each a hot beverage of their choice, giving the final cup he had been holding to Dan, their touch lingered for a moment but Dan abruptly reached his cup to his mouth and answered with a quiet <em>thanks</em> before taking a sip. </p><p>The entire night Dan had seemed incredibly cold towards Kyle, he had been cold towards everyone, but Kyle especially, Dan would've asked everyone to leave but he really didn't want to be alone, Will kept sneaking glances between the two, trying to decipher what's going on, if it had been just him imagining things or if there was more to it, he tapped Kyle's shoulder and gestured to the door, Kyle followed the man, Will closed the door behind him as he turned to Kyle, "hey Kyle, are you and Dan.. are you guys okay?" he asked worriedly, Kyle looked down, he didn't know what the say, "I, I don't think we are" Kyle mumbled, his tone sorrowful, Will looked up at Kyle sympathetically</p><p> </p><p>After staying for a while longer the others left saying their goodbyes to Dan and wishing him well, leaving Kyle and Dan alone again, Dan checked his phone and yawned, he had never been so exhausted in a long time, "could you maybe go to the hotel tonight Kyle" he whispered as he avoided looking at Kyle again, "I just want to be alone right now, I need to think" he continued, his eyes still cast down, "of course baby" Kyle responded reaching his hand to Dan's cheek who immediately turned his face away from him. Kyle slowly walked over to the door, each step he took felt like someone had tied lead to his feet. </p><p> </p><p>Once arriving back at the hotel Dick had arranged for him Kyle walked through the halls aimlessly, getting lost multiple times trying to navigate the seemingly maze-like floor. He finally reached his door and swiped the card, breathing a sigh of relief as it worked immediately, he fell back on the bed, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep, he wanted to not have to worry about the last couple days for a while but he was wide awake. </p><p>Kyle could feel his eyes finally grow heavy as he dropped his phone next to him on the bed, he closed his eyes, letting his exhaustion take over. But as soon as he closed his eyes he could feel his phone buzz on the mattress. He felt around him, his eyes still closed, searching for the origin of the buzzing. He answered the call and pressed the phone to his ear, the voice he got greeted with not one he expected, "Kyle?" he heard Dan ask in between heavy breaths, near hysterical, Kyle eyes widened and he sat up immediately, fully awake again, he checked his watch, seeing the clock strike 3am. </p><p>"Dan, talk to me, what's wrong?" Kyle whispered panicked, "I-.. I need you, please, I had an awful dream and you.. And.. And I.." Dan's words failing him, but before Dan could even continue Kyle had already jumped up, grabbing a hoodie out of their shared luggage and some joggers as he rushed out the room, "I'm coming Dan, do you want me to stay on the line with you?" Kyle asked tenderly, "<em>please</em>" the voice answering barely even sounding like the man he knew. </p><p>Kyle rushed down and out of the hotel, seeing a cab waiting for a customer at the entrance, thankfully it was weekend so a much higher chance of being able to quickly find a cab at this hour. Kyle approached the driver who told him to get in. Kyle didn't hang up the phone the entire time he was on his way to the hospital, neither really spoke much. </p><p>The cab arrived at the hospital and Kyle hurried out of the cab barging through the entrance of the hospital, reminding himself that he's in a damn hospital, <em>calm down Kyle,</em> he told Dan he was close hearing the other breathe a shaky sigh of relief, neither still hanging up the phone. Kyle traversed the halls, cursing hospitals for always being so confusing. </p><p>He reached Dan's door, thankfully he hadn't been disturbed by a staff member on his way over, Dick had already checked with the hospital about visiting patients, the visiting hours for Dan's care unit luckily being very lenient, he opened the door and nearly ran up to Dan's bed, Dan wrapped his arms tightly around Kyle, pressing his face on the bearded man's shoulder, Kyle dropped his phone the device clattering on the ground, nothing more important to him now than Dan, he threw his arms around Dan, rubbing Dan's back soothingly, "I'm here baby, I'm here" Kyle whispered as he leaned his head against Dan. </p><p>Dan exhaled, his whole body relaxed as he felt Kyle's comforting arms around him, "what do you want me to do?" Kyle said as he leaned back slightly, looking into Dan's eyes, "can you just sleep next to me again" Dan asked silently, Kyle nodded and crept up on the bed. Settling next to Dan on the narrow bed, Kyle put his arm around Dan's waist, putting a tender kiss on the back of Dan's neck and closed his eyes, his body finding peace being next to Dan again. </p><p>It didn't take long for Kyle to drift off, Dan heard the familiar change in Kyle's breathing and exhaled, he hated how dependent he was on Kyle, how he couldn't even go this one night without him. He clasped his hands around Kyle's, he felt like such a fool. Dan felt his eyes grow heavy, his thoughts finally leaving him alone for long enough to realize how exhausted he was. </p><p>Dan woke up every couple hours all throughout the night, his skin crawling, his mind racing, feeding him every horrible thought he ever had, feeling trapped in his mind, helpless, looking for distraction. He forced himself to step out of his own head, focus on the body behind him, focus on the warmth, because in Kyle's warmth he could forget how cold it could be. </p><p> </p><p>Dan could feel Kyle stir, the other slowly waking up, Dan had hardly slept all night, his mind keeping him occupied, the only thing that kept him him from falling apart being Kyle, he heard Kyle groan, "I'm feel like I'm going insane Kyle, it's only been a fucking day, but.. they don't want me to leave my room because I might be a danger to myself" Dan said under his breath, Kyle sighed, unsure of what to say, "only a couple more days, then we can go home and work on getting you better" Kyle responded after a while, Dan bit his lip, he felt like a broken doll that needed to be put together again. </p><p> </p><p>The next few days they had been in LA seemed to pass in a blur, only certain moments sticking out, Dan frequently got frustrated and lashed out at everybody around him, Kyle most often hit with Dan's emotional outbursts, who was unable to properly deal with being cooped up in a hospital room. Kyle tried his hardest to be supportive, to be there for Dan, but with each passing moment it proved harder, but he knew he needed to be there for him, he wanted to be there for him, he loved Dan too much, he cared too much. </p><p>But as they had their bad moments so did they have good ones, Dan had wanted Kyle to stay with him as much as possible, Kyle ending up only having slept in the hotel room Dick had arranged for him one night of 4 he was there. Kyle woke up in the hospital one day with an incredibly sore back because of the chair next to Dan's bed, but he didn't mind, especially seeing that Dan had grabbed his hand while he had been sleeping, intertwining their fingersKyle stared at their hands as Dan was still asleep, "I never should've run away, but maybe that's what stupid people do, huh" Kyle mumbled, chuckling bitterly, seeing Dan fast asleep, "don't think I'd be able to forgive me" he continued, rubbing the back of Dan's hand with his finger, "but that's the difference between us, you are so much more forgiving than I could ever be", he kissed Dan's forehead, resting his lips against it for a couple seconds before leaning back into the chair again. </p><p>Hours later Kyle dragged Dan out of his bed, he turned his phones volume on and put on a random playlist, the heard the opening notes of <em>To Build A Home</em> and pulled Dan closer as he started to sway to the music, Dan smiled as he put his arms around Kyle's shoulders, closing his eyes and letting the music wash over him, Dan hadn't felt this happy in a long time as how he felt in that moment, slow dancing in a hospital room with Kyle. As the music started to swell Kyle twirled Dan around, making the man burst out in giggles, Kyle quickly pulled him close again when the when the music started to slow down again, the next song started to play, Dan and Kyle heard the first line, <em>Two</em> by <em>Sleeping at Last</em>, and it hit Dan like a brick, he held on tightly to Kyle as the words rushed through him, he closed his eyes feverishly as he tried not to let the lyrics get to him, Kyle gently rubbed Dan's back as he moved back to turn the song off seeing Dan's reaction, "<em>don't</em>", he heard a quiet whisper and he pulled Dan closer, kissing his forehead, swaying gently to the song which hit both of them at full force. </p><p> </p><p>Those few days spend in the hospital weren't easy on either of them. Kyle was unsure about everything, unsure about Dan, about their relationship, Dan was just as unsure, if not more than Kyle had already been, his inner monologue constantly fighting with itself.</p><p> </p><p>Before Kyle knew it he was sat next to Dan on a plane back home, he clasped his hands around Dan's and squeezed lightly, a small smile appearing on Dan's face as he turned to look at Kyle briefly, before turning his head towards the window, staring out at the clouds on the other side of the glass, the sky painted a pale pink and he felt his smile fade, still able to feel Kyle's hand in his. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's uhhhhh been a while, not sure if anyone still cares (or even cared in the first place) but I wrote another chapter and I'm thinking of making this the final chapter, maybe I'll make this a series if I feel like it or maybe if people want me to</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After an excruciatingly long feeling flight, which in reality hadn't been that long in comparison to other flights they have had, they arrived on London Gatwick. The slightly tense mood between the two had made every minute of that flight feel like an hour. Dan could feel his skin itch, he muttered a couple apologies under his breath and nearly immediately bolted off of the plane as soon as he was able to, leaving Kyle alone, left to pick up any of the belongings they still had in the cabin.</p><p>Dan could feel his mood constantly switch between needing Kyle to despising him within the second. He could feel himself figuratively and literally lean on Kyle when he could sense he was about to crash to pushing him away when Kyle got too close to breaking the wall he had unintentionally build up in his mind again.</p><p> </p><p>He looked up at Kyle walking in front of him with the majority of their bags in his hands that he had demanded he would take, Dan sighed, nearly back home again. The taller man glanced back at Dan lagging behind him, wanting to keep him close by. Kyle shot him a warm smile and slowed his pace, walking up next to Dan, who returned the smile weakly and quickly averted his eyes, he felt guilty, guilty that Kyle thought that he needed to go into this protective state, guilty that he couldn't even look Kyle in his eyes, only seeing the sadness behind the comforting façade Kyle tried to keep up.</p><p>Kyle texted the others, informing them that they had both made it back to London safely, which theoretically they had, but both mentally and physically everything was a trainwreck. He was still unsure about a lot of things, but right now he needed to simply focus on Dan otherwise the uncertainty would drag him under. </p><p>Kyle dropped the bags in front of their door as he once again turned towards Dan, he leaned towards him, sliding his arm around Dan's waist, he smiled but still avoided Kyle's eyes. Kyle sighed quietly before quickly turning towards the door and jamming the key in the lock. </p><p>The bags got discarded in a corner of their bedroom, afterwards Kyle walked up behind Dan, putting his arms around the other as he sidled up to him from the back, Kyle gently placed his head on Dan's shoulder and closed his eyes, hoping Dan wouldn't shut him out. Kyle's body was tense and rigid until he felt Dan lean closer into him to which every muscle in Kyle's body relaxed. The road they had to walk together wouldn't be easy, Kyle knew, but feeling Dan not push him away completely, gave him hope that it would be enough.</p><p>Kyle started unpacking their bags after he had sat Dan down on their shabby couch that Kyle had insisted on keeping when they moved his stuff from his old house to Dan's, which ultimately became their favourite piece of furniture and one of the places where they spend most of their free time. Kyle squatted in front of Dan on the ground, resting his head on Dan's knees as he told Dan to try to relax, that he'd take care of everything even though he knew that that didn't come naturally to Dan. Dan sighed and nodded defeatedly, he just didn't have the energy to argue. </p><p>Dan listened to Kyle wandering about in their bedroom cleaning out their luggage and leaned back against the couch, looking at the figurative <em>four walls</em> of his living room with which he was already too familiar with. He tried to shut the thoughts in his mind out, but his brain wouldn't shut up, it never did, but right now he had nothing around him that could distract him. </p><p>After having sat on their couch doing sweet fuck all Dan started to feel antsy, even in his own home he felt trapped, he got up and walked around, realising how disgusting he felt, feeling like he hadn't showered or bathed in a month. He shuffled over to their bathroom, opening the door and sat on top of their toilet as he turned the faucet to draw himself a bath, the water started slowly filling the tub, giving him flashbacks to a couple days ago, it had felt like ages ago, he winced at the blurry memories and looked up seeing Kyle in the doorway, whose eyes were widened, he stood in doorway nervously, not saying a word, he didn't want to leave, because no matter how much he trusted Dan or <em>wanted</em> to trust Dan he was still scared and nervous. Dan sighed, nearly imperceptibly, he should've expected this. </p><p>Dan eventually started stripping out of his clothes as the tub started to get fuller, he glanced over towards Kyle who still stood in the doorway, unmoving, "are you gonna.. you know what, nevermind" Dan mumbled to himself, he wanted to have some time to himself, but he understood Kyle's worry, he could hardly fault him, but part of him was still annoyed, 'where were you last time, huh' he thought to himself as he lowered his body into the burning hot bath, he wanted to feel something and at least the scalding water woke up his entire body and mind for a second, he winced slightly but pushed through. Kyle was unsure of what to do, eventually sitting down on the toilet lid, Dan sighed again, more audible than the last time, "you can join me if you want, instead of just sitting there" he said quietly. </p><p>Kyle sighed and ran his hand across his face, "I just.. worry, okay" he whispered softly, "I know" Dan responded, staring down at his hands making slight ripples on the water's surface, "I'm just.. I'm just gonna leave" Kyle said after a few seconds and got up, before Dan grabbed his wrist quickly, "you don't have to" he said realising he didn't actually want to be alone right now, Kyle's presence, even if he wasn't doing anything, putting him at ease, he didn't understand this sudden shift, but Kyle potentially leaving started something in him. Kyle looked at Dan, unsure of what he was supposed to do now, but willing to do whatever Dan needed him to do. Dan reassured him that he didn't need to do anything, even if he just sat there looking at his phone it would be good enough, so that's what Kyle did, he looked at his phone while sitting on the toilet lid next to Dan taking a bath, but yet it felt right. </p><p>Before Dan got out the bath Kyle left to do some other stuff, giving Dan at least some time for himself and some privacy. Kyle found himself doing the same damn task over and over again, forgetting midway through what he was even doing in the first place, he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his body at this point. He faintly heard the door to the bathroom unlock, hearing Dan's soft voice call out to him, he turned towards him, seeing Dan stand in the opening with a towel loosely draped around his waist, "I think I'm going to go to bed for a bit" he said as he motioned towards the direction of their bedroom, "I was uh, just about to do some grocery shopping and I <em>was</em> going to ask if you'd come along" Kyle said before he stopped his sentence momentarily before scratching his neck, "but.. guess that's not necessary, just gonna go to the one around the corner so I'll be close if you need me" he continued and looked at Dan who nodded and turned around, walking to their bedroom and shutting the door behind him. </p><p>Dan laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as he rested his hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat in his chest, hoping it would calm his nerves. He tried to rest, tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come, he exhaled and glanced around his room, seeing a few rays of sun stain the walls through the curtains he hadn't fully closed. He closed his eyes, focusing on his own breathing, focusing on his inhales and exhales. In his bedroom clung deafening silence, it felt like it was suffocating him, a bubble which no sound would penetrate. </p><p>His breaths sounded loud, drowning out any other sound that could possibly enter the room. His skin was crawling again, he felt deeply uncomfortable in his overwhelming silence, his mind probably making the silence worse than it in reality was. He jumped up out of the bed and walked towards the door, welcoming any sound that could reach him. He swung the door open and heard Kyle rifling through the kitchen cupboards, Dan made his way over towards Kyle, walking up to him preparing dinner, he didn't know what, but it looked good. He wanted to help but Kyle kept waving him off, telling Dan to just relax and sit down, he'll do it and Dan didn't need to worry about it. Dan started to become frustrated, he wanted to do something, even just helping out in the kitchen would be good enough, but Kyle wouldn't let him. Dan grabbed the knife on the cutting board when Kyle had his back turned towards him, facing the fridge. </p><p>"Kyle <strong>fuck off</strong>" he snapped as he heard Kyle rush towards him when he had seen Dan with a knife in his hand to cut some vegetables, hearing a quiet let me do it from the other, Dan sighed, "you don't trust me anymore, do you?" he said frustratedly, gripping the knife firmly, "no, Dan, babe, I do" Kyle responded trying his best to not anger Dan any further, "no, you don't, it's very clear Kyle" Dan said angrily, slamming the knife on the counter, turning away from the bearded man, Kyle grimaced, quickly grabbing the knife. Dan turned towards Kyle furiously, staring at the knife clutched in Kyle's hand, "you see, you don't <em><strong>trust</strong></em> me" Dan said dejectedly.</p><p>"you constantly being on my arse is what got us into this fucking mess in the first place" Dan yelled, poking at Kyle's chest accusatory, Kyle staggered back reaching his hand up to where Dan had poked him, "I'm.. I'm just worried about you Dan" Kyle said as he gently put the knife down on the counter again, "where was that worry a couple days ago?" Dan spoke morosely, "<strong>you</strong> left.. <strong>you</strong> walked out, I DIDN'T" he continued getting more and more heated. </p><p>"y'know what, suit yourself, why would I care if you die trying to wreck yourself" Kyle spat bitterly, he gestured towards Dan, his last few words emphasised, Kyle turned away from Dan and shook his head, placing his hand on their front door, "wow, not sure what else I expected besides you.. walking out again" he shouted after Kyle, his words felt hollow, completely devoid from any and all love they had exudes not too long ago. </p><p>Kyle ignored Dan's words which got shouted after him and forcefully opened the door, stepping out as quickly as he could, slamming the door behind him, it closed with a heavy thud. He fell back against the door, closing his eyes as he let his head drop back, deep down he knew Dan had a point. He bit his lip and took a step, a step away from the door, from Dan, a sick feeling of deja vu washing over him. </p><p>"Kyle, <em>wait</em>" Dan whispered, feeling incredibly conflicted, he wanted space, he wanted to be alone, but he needed Kyle. He stood in their living room, his arms limp next to his body, he didn't know what to do, what to think, his thoughts at war with themselves, he stood there for what felt like hours, but his heart spoke before he could let his brain overthink even more. He ran after Kyle but his feet stopped him mere seconds after he had opened their door, confused he looked down, seeing Kyle sat against the wall in their hallway opposite of their front door, "I can't do it, I shouldn't have said those things, I really fucking shouldn't have and I shouldn't have ran, either times, I'm such a fucking asshole" Kyle spoke softly, he couldn't bear to look Dan in his eyes, not after what he did and how he acted. </p><p>"yeah, you kinda were" Dan said, chuckling silently to himself as he sat down next to Kyle, "but so was I just now, I went too far" he continued, his voice low and quiet, but enough for Kyle to hear him, he wanted to lean on Kyle, but part of him resisted, his brain and heart fighting against each other, the heart ultimately winning the battle again as he rested his head on Kyle's shoulder, "the thing is Dan, you were right.. absolutely right" Kyle whispered softly, feeling a lump form in his throat. Dan looked down at his feet as he pulled his knees closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. Kyle turned towards Dan, hesitantly putting his arm around him, the silence between them still felt tense, but something about their closeness felt like home, felt familiar and safe. </p><p>Kyle exhaled and bit his lip, "I just don't know how we got to this, ya know.. you gotta give me something Dan" he whispered reluctantly, "cuz I just don't know anymore, you've been pulling back from me for weeks now, <em>months</em> even" he continued quickly seemingly all with the same breath. Kyle turned his head to the side, trying to see Dan, see what was going on in his head, but Dan had become increasingly more difficult for him to read lately. </p><p>"Dan, if you.. if you don't want this anymore, just.. tell me, so I can let go" he said sorrowfully after Dan hadn't said a word, "it's killing me to just hang on and hope it's enough, is it.. enough?" Kyle asked, his voice barely above a whisper, he could feel his throat close up when he felt Dan's shaking frame against his shoulder, he turned towards the man and saw him try to suppress silent sobs. </p><p>"I'm so sorry Kyle" Dan mumbled, "I should've.. I could've.. I", he stumbled over his words, "you don't have to apologise babe" Kyle said as he turned towards Dan, cupping Dan's face in his hands, Kyle's expression was pained as he looked at the other man who had a tear run down his face, "I'm.. I'm just a liability" Dan whispered shakily, Kyle swiped his thumb across Dan's cheek, wiping the tear away, "no, you're not, please don't <strong>ever</strong> think you are" Kyle said earnestly, he slowly leaned forwards, but something in him stopped him. Dan stared at Kyle, seeing the hesitation, he squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands around the back of Kyle's neck, pulling their faces closer together, connecting their lips. His eyes prickled as the hot tears streamed down his cheeks. They turned their bodies towards each other, sitting on their heels in the abandoned hallway of their apartment building. Kyle leaned back and looked at Dan, seeing the mentally drained man sitting before him, he rubbed the back of his hand across Dan's cheek, stroking it with his thumb, Dan grabbed Kyle's wrist as he leaned into the hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.</p><p>"I want to help you Dan, let please let me help you, I know I've fucked up, but you mean the world to me" he said as he leaned forward slowly, still hesitant, he wanted Dan to have an out if he needed it, giving Dan time to stop him, to back away, but he didn't, Dan stayed. Carefully Kyle pressed his lips against Dan's, only barely connecting their lips. Dan's reached his hands up to cup Kyle's face, pulling Kyle closer to him, the kiss desperate as Dan wanted, no needed to have Kyle as close as possible. Kyle leaned back, catching his breath and grabbed Dan's hand. He pulled Dan to his feet and lead him inside, pressing his lips gently on Dan's again as the door closed behind them. </p><p>Kyle finished dinner and walked over to Dan, he sat down on the floor in front of their couch and patted the ground next to him, Dan stared down puzzled but before he could speak Kyle grabbed Dan's hand, pulling him down next to him. Dan's genuine laugh reverberated through their living room as he sat next to Kyle, eating their dinner on the ground, such a simple gesture, but it made him unbelievably happy. He stared as Kyle stuck a spoonful of food in his mouth and felt a smile creep up in his face, he had truly missed the little things. After dinner they walked up to the sink, cleaning their plates, Kyle looked over towards Dan as he put the last of the utensils in their dishwasher and saw his face, uncertainty written all over it, he grabbed Dan's hands leading him to the middle of their living room, "stay here baby" he said to Dan before he turned around and walked away silently. </p><p>He walked towards their speaker system, turning it on and pulling up Spotify on his phone, putting on a specific playlist, all the while Dan stood in the middle of their living room unsure of what Kyle was doing. Dan heard a familiar voice fill the room, a slow song ebbing into focus as he saw Kyle make his way over to him, he extended a hand towards Dan. He reached out to Kyle, taking the others hand and recognised the acoustic version of <em>Where the Shadow Ends</em> from Banners. Kyle pulled the man towards him and put one of his hands around Dan's waist, his other hand still holding on to Dan's hand, he started dancing around the room, following the tempo of the song. </p><p>Dan smiled, thinking back to a couple days ago, dancing with Kyle in the middle of his hospital room, he closed his eyes, letting Kyle lead, focusing on the good memories they've shared, but Dan was ripped from his thoughts when his mind focused on the lyrics of the song playing in the background, '<em>there's a darkness up ahead, I will see you where the shadow ends</em>', he swallowed hard and let go of Kyle's hand, wrapping both his arms around Kyle's waist and pulling him firmly against his body, putting his head on Kyle's shoulder, Kyle put his hand on the back of Dan's head, pressing Dan against him and keeping him close. They gently swayed to the rhythm, the music surrounding them. Kyle kissed Dan's head, softly humming along to the song, he closed his eyes and rested his head against Dan's.</p><p>Kyle could feel Dan slacken in his arms after a couple songs as he started to fall asleep slowly, the jetlag and everything going on getting to him, Kyle rubbed Dan's back and leaned back, staring down at the man who struggled to keep his eyes open. He started leading him towards the couch, "Kyle no, I don't want to sto-.." Dan mumbled sleepily, trying to stop Kyle, "Dan, baby, I love you, but you're falling asleep while dancing, you're done for the day" Kyle said as he stared down at Dan, unwrapping his arms from around Dan and leading him towards their couch, carefully pushing him on it, "you need to rest" he said as walked away from Dan, grabbing his phone and turning off the speaker system.</p><p>He turned around and saw Dan doze off on the couch, he stared at his boyfriend, unsure if he'd be able to make it to their bedroom by himself. Kyle walked up to Dan, "you still with me?" he asked and saw Dan nod absentmindedly with closed eyes, "we're gonna have to get you to bed baby" Kyle said while knowing his words wouldn't actively reach Dan, he grabbed Dan's hands and gently pulled him up, immediately supporting him when he eventually got Dan in a standing position. They slowly made their way over to their bedroom, Dan stumbling along blindly as Kyle carefully guided him along. </p><p>Kyle watched as Dan clumsily undressed himself, he grabbed one of Dan's oversized movie shirts and pulled it over Dan's head and watched as the man got under the covers. He stripped off of his own clothes and laid down on the bed, shuffling towards Dan and putting his arm around Dan's waist, pulling him closer. Dan made himself comfortable, pushing himself further against the bearded man, it not taking long for him to fall asleep against Kyle. </p><p>Dan woke up the next day, Kyle laid spread eagle on their bed as he lay entangled in Kyle's limbs, his head on Kyle's chest. He stared at Kyle as he slept, gently brushing his hand through Kyle's hair, getting the locks out of his face, "we'll be alright.." he whispered to himself quietly. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"..won't we?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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